CHAPTER

ADEEN

Awareness returned slowly. It always did after she died and returned to live again. Her thoughts jarred. Died? Live again? Somehow, she knew that’s what had happened, but the understanding of why and how eluded her, as well as any self identity. Who was she? That was a blank in her mind, but while she was curious, the lack of  that specific knowledge didn’t bother her much. Who she had been  felt…unimportant.

There was a breeze she felt on her skin and through her hair. She looked down. Nothing. Why couldn’t she see herself? Did she not have a body? How could she see anything if she didn’t have eyes? And if she had eyes, she must have a body…mustn’t she? Yet, the lack of a physical self felt as trivial as her missing name.

Where she was felt like a crucial piece of knowledge she needed. She was in a forest － that was what an area like this, with trees all around, was called, and it was filled with unidentifiable yet familiar sights, scents, and sounds. Birds tweeted and squirrels chittered. The earthy smell of soil. She crouched and reached for a leaf on the ground. Nothing. The leaf didn’t move, nor did she feel the texture of the leaf or the dirt beneath.  Well, a leaf was a small thing. Maybe she could touch something bigger. The nearest tree was out of her reach. She tried to touch it, move toward it, but the tree remained beyond her. Everything did. She couldn’t move.

She screamed. Or she tried to. Although she still had eyes even lacking a body, she had no mouth and could not make a sound. Fear and confusion swept away her prior indifference. Dread surged within her. What if she was stuck in this place, aware but body-less and unable to interact with anyone or anything? Was this some sort of punishment? A curse? The way she’d existed before she died?

A large black bird swooped right through the space she thought her body should occupy and landed on a branch in front of her. Feathers. The soft plumes calmed her. More than anything else, feathers were familiar. The bird was a raven. She had vague impressions that she loved ravens. The bird  tilted its head to peer at her. Joy burst within her. The bird saw her! Before she could think of how this might help her, the raven seemed to laugh at her predicament, and flapped away. Maybe she did not like ravens after all.

She lifted her gaze from the ground and trees. Parts of the world wavered, thinning to reveal places beyond. Some of them tugged at her, trying to pull her in.  Then she was fragmenting, with parts of herself trying to go into different openings. Panic set in, and she thrashed, struggling to keep herself together. There were so many gateways, all wanting a piece of her. What was happening to her? Why was it happening to her? The world was trying to tear her apart! Surely she could not have earned such enmity — she’d just been born!

No. Not born. She was re-born. Like the correct key had been inserted into its lock, an answer came to her.

Phoenix.

The word floated through her mind and settled her. Phoenix. That’s what she was. Innate knowledge came with the self-identification. The gateways weren’t trying to tear her apart…they were invitations and she could accept them or not. Phoenixes could always sense portals, gateways, and hidden doors, but there were more open to them in this form.  The dead always had more options than the living, and because Phoenixes lived multiple lives, they had still more choices. Upon death, a soul could travel easily between worlds especially Underworlds and Overworlds. If she chose, her soul would divide and go to many worlds. She would not be lesser for separating her selves for a soul always grew. She had  known love more than once. The parts of her that had made a life with a family would see them again.

A part of her would always be the girl her parents loved, so that part of her would go to them, wherever they had found  one another. Each piece of her would be separate yet complete, but she would never be the exact person she’d been when she had died this last time, since she  was the sum of all her selves.

Now she had to choose.

She let her most recent memories seep into her consciousness. It wouldn’t  do to only be killed again if she didn’t recognize a threat to her life. Acute agony pierced the body she couldn’t see. Sharp wooden shafts flew through the air at her. Flames had burned them before they reached her — all but one. Centaurs had shot her out of the sky. She stopped her memories there. She had to choose. Phoenixes could begin a different life each time they were reborn, continue the one interrupted by an untimely death, or go dormant for a time.

She could start new. Go through one of the openings to a place she’d never been. Avoid any pain from her previous lifetimes. Or she could be who she was. Did she want that? Being who she was had gotten her killed somehow, after all. How long had it been since her death? She listened. Birds twitted and trilled. They were gossips, but hearing them chatter was a comfort. No threats nearby.  At least not now.

Something about this world called to her, making the idea of dormancy not an option. Why did she want to stay? There was a deep-seated urgency within her that said she was needed. But to do what? Where information seemed unimportant before, she wanted answers now.

Understanding what she was helped. She had senses but no body because she was in her between form. Mostly ethereal, but not without options and limited use of her abilities. She summoned her ashes. They rose from the ground, whirling in narrowing, quickening circles.  At the apex of their speed, in the eye of the storm, a spark burst into existence. Her fire. If she let it grow into flames, she would live again, but she only needed the spark to explore this world and search for answers.

She allowed herself to drift up and over the treetops. In the far distance a blue-green sea lapped at a sandy beach. Nearer, a black castle loomed. What was keeping her in this world was there. This place didn’t feel familiar. Did she know someone here? Someone who meant so much to her she would remain? There was only one way to find out.

Allowing herself to drift until she was above the castle, she floated, flapping translucent ash wings, studying the goings-on below. A garden was lively. Its occupants scurried about, placing tables and chairs near a bridge spanning a river that seemed too big to be in a castle garden. Exited voices carried to her on breezes.

A wedding was taking place. The groom awaited his bride on the bridge. The sight of the big, dark man awakened anger in her. Did she know him? He wasn’t what was drawing her to this place, but the rage directed at him was undeniable. Her spark burned hotter, nearly combusting into the flames that would bring her to life. She would use them to burn this man to ashes. He had wronged her somehow, and the fact that she couldn’t remember what he had done did nothing to temper her fire.

Full of righteous vengeance, she tucked her wings and dove at him, like the arrows that had killed her. A woman wearing a green gown and veil stepped out of the castle, bringing all thoughts of killing and revenge to an instant halt. It was her. The woman was the presence drawing her to this place. She wished she could see the woman’s face, but all she could do was hover over the woman walking toward the dark man. Once on the bridge, the man and woman faced another man as they spoke their vows.

She wanted to scream. He did not deserve the happiness so apparent on his face. But ashes had no sound.  Her spark burned hotter again, her flames an instant away from igniting and immolating him.

The man lifted the woman’s veil and once again, she was shocked into stillness.

Azar.

Memories rushed in. She was Adeen in her previous life, and Azar was her daughter. The kidnapping and her following through the portal. Further back. Watching Azar and Dayiel live their lives. She’d died protecting them. Azar’s birth. The time before Dayiel had lost his memories when they’d first fought each other, then fought two worlds to be together. Though Azar’s new husband had kidnapped her, Adeen would be no better if she tore Azar away from him. It wasn’t like she and Dayiel had had a typical beginning to their relationship.

She knew it was genuine love Azar felt for the dark man because that was how Adeen looked at Dayiel. There was no hiding it, or pretending, especially when a mother saw it in her daughter. Azar seemed…no…she was happy in her new life, Adeen felt the need to take Azar away from the dark man. To take her daughter away from her kidnapper and make him suffer the loss. Because he would suffer. But he looked at Azar the way Dayiel looked at her. This man and her daughter truly loved each other. While Adeen would take great pleasure in making this kidnapper feel the pain of loss, a mother’s love for her daughter wouldn’t allow her to cause the same pain to Azar.

She’d left Dayiel on another world, lost and confused. He and their daughter thought she had died long ago. She could go dormant. No one would know. But Dayiel had chosen her. Sacrificed everything to be with her. She’d chosen him, too. They’d built a life together. They’d always had to hide and their life had been simple, but they had been happy. Now he was alone and probably lost in his muddled mind. Would she make things worse if she returned to him? Would he remember her? And if he did, would that cause other memories to surface? They’d have to go on the run and find a place to hide again.

And if he went on not remembering her…could she live with that? Did she want to? Was it safer, better, if she stayed dead to everyone? She had to decide soon. Remainng ash would become more difficult the longer she kept that form. But there was time to watch Azar be happy.

The wedding proceeded to the reception. Brownies moved among the attendees serving meals while other guests danced. The dark man took Azar into his arms and said something that made her laugh.

Overhead, storm clouds gathered. The guests didn’t seem to notice as the celebration went on. Something about the oncoming storm felt wrong. It wasn’t natural. Magic had created it, but was it meant to be friendly or cause harm? Knowing the little that she did of Azar’s new husband, he must have made enemies.  Maybe she should reconsider taking Azar away from him.

The world fractured in a cacophony of thunder and lightning. Portals opened everywhere, offering glimpses to other worlds.  Underworlds. Worlds in different times. Worlds with different atmospheres. Worlds she knew she’d been to before and those unfamiliar. Lightning flickered from cloud to cloud, then powerful, magic-laden bolts hit the ground below. Trees caught flame and brick exploded where the castle was struck. Wedding guests screamed and scattered.

Adeen dodged the strikes, spinning and twisting in the air. She didn’t fear fire, but with the sky torn open and all the portals, there was no way to know what magics were in the air, or what they could do to her.

The dark man wasn’t so fortunate. He took to the sky, but lightning seemed to target him. That meant less danger to her, but there were still enough forks of magical lightning Adeen had to be careful as she flew to protect her daughter.

A fork of lightning, thicker than the rest, hit the dark man and headed toward the ground. Toward Azar. Instinct drove Adeen to fly hard, and heedless of what might happen to her, she absorbed the strike that would have killed her daughter.

The lightning kindled her spark into an instant conflagration within her, empowering her magic to be reborn exponentially, and sending more magic into her being as she was brought back to life. If she wasn’t a Phoenix, she would have been turned to ash. The magic kept pouring in, and Adeen channeled it into her flames. There seemed to be a never-ending flow that fed her fire. As she hung in the air taking in the magic, a second bolt struck her, then a third. The heat coursing through her was almost too much even for a Phoenix. It bordered on pain. Had she been reborn only to die seconds later? More magic poured into her, and she thought she might explode. Instead, her Phoenix form did something it had never done before — it grew.

Her Phoenix form was larger than most birds, and had grown with her from when she was a child, but once she reached adulthood, her Phoenix form had remained constant. A twenty-foot wingspan. Red, orange, yellow, and gold feathers. Fire she could turn on or off. Adeen held out one of her bigger wings. It was twice as big as before, with the addition of blue and white feathers. Her taloned feet were bigger too, more like something seen on a dragon. Her scaly bird legs felt heavier, more like armor. What was she becoming?

Adeen took a fourth lightning strike and flung out one wing. The electricity flowed down her feathers to her wingtip and burst from her like a whip. That was new, too.. She send the excess power toward the castle. Rock exploded and the power returned to her. Shrieking her Phoenix battle call, Adeen spread her now massive body over Adeen like an umbrella.

Azar’s husband caught fire and fell. Ravens caught him, setting him down gently in front of Azar. They reached for one another, arms outstretched, A portal opened behind Azar, and like she was on the end of a rope, her body slid toward the gateway, her fingertips just missing her husband’s.

Adeen tucked her wings and dove, but she was too late.  Azar screamed, still reaching for her kidnapper as she vanished into the thin place. This was all that useless king’s fault. Adeen burned with rage and vengeance, ready to finish what that magical lightning attack had started and turn that king into ashes, but her mother’s instinct once again won out, and she instead flew at the portal that had taken Azar.

More portals were still opening, and as she flew past one, something in that world called to her. Coming to an abrupt halt, Adeen peered into the portal and blinked.  Dayiel was there. In the Underworld where they had first met. What was he doing there? It meant his death if he was caught. Especially if he remembered. And remember he must, for he wore his armor and none of the gentleness she’d become accustomed to seeing in him. This was a man going to war.

Azar needed her. Dayiel needed her. And she needed them. Who to go to, though? Their daughter. That’s what Dayiel would want. She would tell him to do the same thing. Protect their daughter. And if Dayiel had his memories back, no Hell, Underworld, Overworld, or anything in the rest of the worlds would stop him from finding them. Maybe she could leave a trail to make it easier for him. The magical lightning had done something to her.  Supercharged her flames. Maybe the crazy inkling of an idea would work.

Adeen summoned her Phoenix fire, called on her love for Dayiel, and soared in to the portal after Azar, leaving a streak of flames her love could follow.